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Lessons from My Sister's House: 2001 Ethics and Servant Leadership internship

Fifty-year-old woman reports alcohol abuse for nearly thirty-five years, yet has only recently sought treatment...

Thirty-year-old female with chemical dependency issues. Reports being sexually abused as a child and seeks counseling for these issues. Brutally raped several years ago and reports that this sparked her addiction. Her drug of choice is crack cocaine...

Nineteen-year-old attending this program as a stipulation of her parole. Arrested for drug trafficking...

As I listened to reports like this, one after another, I wondered who had lived through such hardship. Although I had not been formally introduced to the women of My Sister’s House, through hearing the stories of abuse and neglect they experienced, my heart immediately went out to each and every woman. Sitting in my first case management meeting, I was overwhelmed by what each client had to overcome, and through their stories I was introduced to women from a variety of backgrounds and experiences.

It was not until a week later that I was able to finally put a face to the stories I heard. My first formal teaching experience as a life skills counselor meant having to show the women how to set healthy boundaries–for themselves, and in their interactions with others. Looking out at the crowd of faces, I saw women who could have easily been my mother, aunt or grandmother. Only a few life decisions differentiated the women of my family and those who now sat before me.

What could I possibly teach these women? I thought to myself.

“Hello. I’m Jeannelle and I haven’t met all of you. If each of you could tell me your name, let’s see if I can remember them,” I said with a smile.

Each woman introduced herself, and the stories I heard a week before began to take on a face and a form. Some women gave me ready smiles, while others seemed preoccupied with other matters. One woman in particular, a blue bandana tied around her head, seemed very uninterested, more so than any of the other women. I had seen her earlier in the day and noticed her leadership in the community. She was a tall woman, towering way above my five feet, four inches. Looking out of the window as I began the lesson for the day, she occasionally fidgeted in her seat.

“What would you do if someone stepped over your boundaries?” I asked to the silent room. After a few seconds of looking around at one another, to my surprise the woman with the blue bandana spoke up.

“I’d hit ‘em,” she said to a chorus of laughter.

Bracing myself, I said, “Okay, what is a more constructive way of getting your point across?”

The same woman smiled and snickered to herself as she answered my question. “I’m just kiddin’ sweetheart. I guess you could talk to ‘em, but I’ve been in the street so long all I know to do is fight.”

The other women perked up immediately and took interest in our conversation. Some shared experiences where their boundaries were overstepped. Others shared ways that they themselves could respect the boundaries and space of others. At the end of our conversation, I felt I have learned as much from them as they had hopefully learned from me.

Before leaving the women, I went around the room, to see if I could remember each woman’s name. Although I needed help with a few, the women’s distinct personalities made it easy to remember their names.

Finally, gathering up my notebook and papers, I looked up to see the same woman who was so disinterested, now smiling at me. Uh oh, I thought on the inside, but smiled outwardly.

“You can teach us anytime,” she said and headed out of the door to join the others. All I could do was smile and nod my head.

Before this experience, I had always looked to my elders in order to gain from their insight and experiences. I never realized that I could teach them about living and interacting with others.

Yet, it was refreshing to know that there were some skills that I had acquired that I could share openly; wisdom comes not only with age, but also with experience. Although I may not be with the women of My Sister’s House as they journey out of the doors of the building, I hope the lessons they learned will stay in their hearts and minds for years to come.

Jeannelle Bryan is a 2001 graduate of Emory University. Jeannelle participated in the EASL Community and Student Leaders’ Forum during the 2000-2001 academic year. This summer, Jeannelle was selected as a Servant Leadership Summer Intern, serving in a placement she arranged with My Sister’s House, a program of the Atlanta Union Mission.

[ Posted by Jeanelle Bryan at September 1, 2001 04:04 PM | More Ethics and Servant Leadership articles ]

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